Shamans and Witches in Ubud, Following in the Footsteps of "Eat, Pray, Love"„

January 16, 2016

This day was quite unplanned. My driver already had another client, so I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to get some sleep, but I was thinking about wandering around Ubud, finally going to the famous central market and seeing the rice terraces. I also considered hiring another driver, as the streets of Ubud are full of them. I also wanted to visit a shaman and a chocolate factory. 

I woke up quite late. I must admit I was a bit fussy this morning, and I got out quite late. I was thinking about visiting a shaman. Ketut Liyer, known from the book "Eat, Pray, Love," or, if you prefer, the Julia Roberts movie of the same name. However, I was afraid Ketut had become too commercial, and besides, I didn't entirely trust him. He predicted to Elizabeth Gilbert (the book's author) that she would have one child, but she remained childless. This isn't likely to change, considering her age; she's fast approaching fifty. Although the recent story of a Polish woman shows that twins can be had even after sixty, I decided to look for another shaman, of which there are plenty in Bali. 

Uncle Google said that Tjokorda Gde Rai It's quite nice, so I decided to visit it. I found a taxi driver who would take me to the factory and the shaman for IDR 250,000. We started at the factory. Now I can reveal that it wasn't the chocolate that interested me. At the POD chocolate factory, there are two teddy bears who were rescued from hunters. They're sweet enough to cuddle. I love teddy bears, so I couldn't pass up this opportunity. 

Unfortunately, it wasn't my day. Upon arriving, I discovered the factory was closed (it was Saturday). Something looked strange; I couldn't see a sign, so I showed it the address again and asked if it was the right place. The taxi driver assured me it was. Angry and disappointed, I went to the shaman. As it turned out a few days later, we were indeed in the wrong place. No more random taxi drivers off the street in Bali. Although he did manage to get me to the shaman. 

Tjokorda lives in a very nice, large, typical Balinese house. I found him in his "office," which was located outside. When I arrived, he was already serving someone, so I had to wait a moment. When it was my turn, he told me to come over and sit down. He started feeling my head for about three minutes, then told me I was nervous and that was my main problem, but otherwise I was as fit as a fiddle. He then told me to lie down on a mat and examined my feet with a stick. At one point, he pressed a point on the inside of one of my toes, making me jump with pain. He explained that this was the point responsible for my nerves. He charged me 300,000 IDR and told me that a new job would be coming soon. This actually made me happy, because I'm a happy unemployed woman who will have to get back to reality and work.

After visiting the shaman, the taxi driver took me to Ubud. I planned to browse the shops and stop at the market. My plans changed again. I decided to have a healing day and go to see Wayan, a herbalist I'd also read about in "Eat, Pray, Love." I believe in the power of herbs, and since we age and slowly decay, I thought I'd buy some herbs. 

Because the book was a bestseller, too Wayan Nuriasih She became well-known and popular. After arriving, I found myself waiting over an hour or returning. I decided to return. I was on time, she still had clients, I didn't go anywhere, hoping she'd see me soon. After another hour, I saw light at the end of the tunnel. Her assistant rubbed some oil on my wrists, supposedly to speed up circulation. Finally, Wayan began examining me. She had a photocopied sheet of paper with basic parameters: circulation, blood pressure, cholesterol, digestion, etc. While taking my pulse, she wrote down what was good and what wasn't. And so it turned out that I had good blood pressure, high cholesterol, poor digestion, poor circulation, and a few other weaknesses. Interestingly, the women who had been examined earlier had similar conditions. I dare not disagree with her diagnoses. I have low blood pressure; 90/60 is normal for me. I recently had my cholesterol checked and it was great. The healer started telling me what I couldn't eat to lower my cholesterol, like eggs and oil. She either didn't understand, or pretended not to, when I tried to explain that I practically didn't eat eggs and didn't use oil or fat. It turned out she had other clients in the back and told me to wait again. After a long time, she came back, started reading my palm and writing down dates on cards. It took forever because she was constantly going out, talking to someone, and visiting other clients. Once she finished reading my palm, she started asking me about things from the past. For example, she had written 16-17, claimed that something important had happened in my life then, and told me to remember. And so with each date, she tried to force information out of me. Sometimes, for the sake of peace, I'd blurt something out, and she'd say, "See? I read it in your palm..." And when I said for one date that I was sure nothing had happened, she told me he must have forgotten and that it had something to do with my poor memory, which she also read from my pulse. 

Overall, I turned out to be a complete wreck. She charged me IDR 400,000 for the diagnosis and said she could fix me for another IDR 5-6,000,000. No thanks, I'd rather remain this sclerotic wreck with high cholesterol. I wasted four hours there, and the pseudo-diagnosis itself lasted maybe 20 minutes. I think she might know her herbs, but she's got a knack for making money, taking advantage of her popularity, and making money off naive tourists. I highly recommend against visiting. "Thanks to that," I had no time left for shopping or the market. The next day, I was leaving Ubud, but I decided to leave in the afternoon and booked a bike tour to the rice terraces for the morning. Being in Ubud and not seeing the terraces is a sin!