Bohol – What to see? Chocolate Hills, tarsiers, and a zipline
March 6, 2017
The long-awaited day arrived. We were finally going to see the world's smallest monkeys, the magnificent tarsiers with their enormous, bulging eyes. We rented a car with a driver for the day, which was supposed to cost us 1,500 pesos, or about 100 złoty or 20 pounds. For that price, we could choose six attractions. We were mainly interested in the monkeys and the Chocolate Hills, but since there was an opportunity to see more, we jumped at the chance.
The first "attraction" was the Loboc Man-Made Forest, the only man-made forest in the Philippines. I'm deliberately putting that in quotation marks because, honestly, I'm not quite sure what's so special about it. It's about 2 km long, with a road running through the middle, and the trees provide pleasant shade. It's beautiful, pleasant, and cool, but is it really a tourist attraction? Maybe I'm just spoiled by Polish forests, which can be truly beautiful. After returning, I even asked Uncle Google if there was some dark history behind this place, rituals, the Blair Witch Project, or a witches' convention, but no. It's just a beautiful forest. I should add that no one goes deep there; cars stop along the road, tourists jump out, take a few photos, and move on.
After about 20 minutes, we arrived at the tarsier sanctuary. The entrance fee was about 60 pesos, or about 4 złoty or 1 pound. The sanctuary is really small; you can walk around it in 10 minutes, unless, like us, you take a million photos of each tarsier. We didn't see many individuals, probably no more than 10, but there were definitely more. Some were probably higher up in the trees or deeper in the forest, where tourists aren't allowed. They're tiny and love to hide under the leaves, so if it weren't for the staff, I probably would have walked the entire sanctuary without seeing a single monkey. Fortunately, the staff not only point out the tarsier but also make sure none disappear into some crazy animal lover's purse. My plan to kidnap and transport the tarsier backfired.
Our next stop was the Chocolate Hills. The weather wasn't cooperating, and there was no blue sky, so the photos turned out mediocre. Admission to the viewing platform cost about 50 pesos, which is about 3 złoty, or less than a pound. The hills themselves, to the disappointment of those with a sweet tooth, aren't made of chocolate, but of limestone. They are semicircular and covered with grass and shrubs. There are exactly 1,268 of them, counted by Uncle Google, of course, because I don't even count calories on vacation.
Along the way, we stopped at a bamboo suspension bridge. Admission was a mere penny, and it was well worth it. It's a bridge, after all. The biggest attractions were the souvenir stands on the other side and the fresh coconuts.
Before lunch, my inner child came out and I decided I wanted to fly like a bird or a bat. We pulled up to the Loboc River Zipline, a zipline. First, you ride the zipline to the other side of the river, then they put you on a piece of fabric, strap you in, and let you go down the zipline. The descent itself takes about 30 seconds, but it's enough excitement for a long time. Unfortunately, it started raining and the descents were suspended, so I was stuck on the other side in a long queue. We learned that the brakes are manual, and if the zipline was slippery, they might not stop us, which could break your neck. I immediately felt much safer. Moments before me, a woman was descending. As she was being strapped in, she started screaming that she didn't want to die and apparently continued to cry long after landing. For me, it was an incredible experience. Flying dozens of meters above the jungle and the river, beautiful views, and a solid adrenaline rush. I definitely recommend it.
After all that excitement, I was hungry, so we went for lunch on the Loboc River. For 400 pesos, or about 30 złoty or 6 pounds, you get a buffet combined with a river cruise. The food was quite good, even some seafood, which I don't eat, of course. There was live music on the boat, and along the way, we stopped for a few minutes at a floating booth where women in traditional costumes sang and danced for tourists. It was pleasant, but a bit of a crowd-pleaser.
At the very end of the day, the driver had to spoil our mood. We'd agreed on 1,500 pesos, but when we paid, it suddenly became 1,800 pesos. The difference and the amount weren't significant, but if we agreed on a specific price, we should stick to it. Unfortunately, as it turned out, this type of scam is quite common in the Philippines.
